FrankWit

Survival Guide to Drunken New Year's Eve Sex

This seemed like a handy thing for everyone to have.
 

Though we don't usually encourage mixing sex with excessive drinking, there's no denying that it happens, especially on New Year's Eve. Our best advice is to plan ahead, choose your date, and be prepared with condoms and whatever else you need before the booze starts flowing and the big ball drops. If that fails and you do end up "accidentally" having sex while blitzed out of your senses, print up this handy flow chart to sort things out when you come to the next day. And no, drunken New Year's masturbation doesn't count.

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO ENLARGE

Copulating deaf couple unaware of own volume!

Monday night, a record number of noise complaints were received by Residential Security Officers in Roger Revelle College. Officers responding to the calls found the sexual activity of a deaf couple to be the source of the noises, which were described as "cacophonous" by witnesses... LINK

Jennifer Aniston: Warns Over Topless Photos (not safe for work)

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Paris Hilton Screwing!

Janet Jackson Nude Sunbathing?

I really don't know what to think about this video.  I'm still thinking it over...

Halloween Costume Ideas

You'll be the envy of all your friends with this mask.  You're kids will be the favorite tricker treater around.  Order Now!  

Giving blowjobs on the road is dangerous.

At the annual sorority drinking game "Never Have I Ever," I always wait for the same scene to play out: One sister says, "Never have I ever given road head." The usual suspects drink along with the tentative newbies. Then we don't have to wait long for the inevitable follow-up comment from some concerned sister, "What are you thinking? It's dangerous!"

For those not familiar with Road head, it is performing oral sex on the (male) driver of a car while he's driving. From last week's legal quiz, oral sex, or more specifically, "taking the sexual organ of another" into your mouth is illegal in Maryland. Considering that in many states it is illegal to use cell phones while driving, I'm thinking activities far more distracting to the driver are also frowned upon. You be the judge: Which is more distracting -- talking on the phone or a partner practicing her joystick skills? READ MORE

How to Use a Penis

So Suzie-Q, you've found a penis but you don't know how to use it. Well, lucky for you I have a penis and I have spent a good part of my life using it. The most important thing to remember is that the penis was specially designed by God to make your vagina feel good. Unfortunately, God did a shitty design job and he attached the penis to a man - so the chances of a penis making you feel good are infinitesimal.

While God did a lousy job where you're concerned, making the guy who owns the penis happy is as easy as Betty Crocker Brownies in a Pan. All you really have to do is look at it, talk about it or lightly graze it, and you've probably done a good enough job.

Let's make this clear right up front. If I was a woman I wouldn't go anywhere near a penis. I'd get myself dolled up real nice and find me a lipstick lesbian and a top of the line vibrator and never think about penises again. Better yet, if, by the grace of God, I turned out to be a lipstick lesbian, I would get myself a vibrator and a mirror and never leave my bedroom.

But you want to meet a nice guy and eventually you will be forced to deal with his penis so here's a diagram of a penis I found on the internet.  READ MORE (scroll down)

How to Use a Vagina

So Bucky, you've found a vagina but you don't know how to use it. Unfortunately, vaginas do not come with instructions, proper lighting or air fresheners. Well, you came to the right place. Your Uncle Melon has invested years in exhaustive field work and is willing to spread this knowledge to all. The most important thing to remember is that the vagina was specially designed by God to make your penis feel good.  READ MORE

No sex could kill you!

MEN who cannot have sex are as much at risk of having a heart attack as smokers and diabetics.  READ MORE.